Our Biggest Assumption

March 22, 2010 in Conscious Living · Written by Tara Joyce · Follow Me on Twitter

minus the Coup de Poing

[tweetmeme] The biggest assumption each of us makes is to infer that everybody sees life the same way we do. It’s so hard to challenge the expectations we have of others, and accept that they do not think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge, and abuse the way we abuse. They are not us. We can’t even begin to pretend to know how anyone else feels.

This, I think, is why we have a fear of being ourselves around others. We think that everyone will judge us, victimize us, abuse us, and blame us, the same way we do to our Self. We believe we know how others see us. So, before they can have the chance to reject us, we reject our Self, and alter our behaviour.

Our assumptions set us up for suffering, yet we keep on making them, for this is easier than facing our fears, asking questions, and getting the clarification we really need.

photo credit: DerrickT

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  • Ann Behnke

    Well said Tara. I think we all fall into this category, including myself. As you mature in life, you start to realize the err of your ways and learn to accept whom you are, warts and all. You also figure out that you are your own worst critic, whereas some would not criticize you the way you do to yourself. Again, I'm a victim of this ideology. I have learned over time to accept me for myself, as I believe you are, and even though some people's opinion of you is important, it is not the end all be all of life. They can either accept you the way you are, or they can pound salt. Personally, it has taken me a couple of decades to accept me as I am and have stopped waiting for approval from others to feel good about myself. Again Tara, you have a great way of saying what's on your mind. That concept is so refreshing in this day. Most people don't really speak their mind, they only say what they think others want to hear to appease the status quo. I wish more people would realize their own potential and get off the kick of what others want them to be and remember to just be yourself. Thanks for this article. You have such an honest way of getting the message out to society without insult.
    Take care, and keep up the writing. Love Ann

  • http://www.elasticmind.ca/innerpreneur/ Tara Joyce

    Thank you, Ann. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and struggles, and
    for always being such a great source of support and love for me. I am
    so grateful to have you as a reader, and as an aunt!

  • http://www.missingamericans.ning.com/ Jeff Dunsavage

    Hmm… Funny – I think I fall into the opposite assumption…of believing my way of seeing the world is so outside the mainstream that I'll never be able to engage more than a handful of people to help me address the things I consider important. It's probably just another face of the same problem…using the worldview “problem” to avoid risky action.

    Jeff

  • http://www.carmentorbus.com/ Carmen Torbus

    So true. Interesting perspective. I had never considered this as the reason I often fear being myself around others, but it makes perfect sense. Thanks for, once again, opening my eyes to something that was staring at me the whole time.

  • http://www.elasticmind.ca/innerpreneur/ Tara Joyce

    Jeff, I know what you mean. I often approach people with the same
    attitude, that they just won't understand me because I am weird or
    untraditional or fill-in-another-word-for-unconventional-here. I
    'assume' that their perspective is far different from mine, usually,
    again based upon 'assumptions' I make from the feeling I get from
    them. I guess the thing is, maybe we're right and they won't
    understand, but we're hurting and restricting ourself by deciding that
    without giving that person a chance. Maybe they would have a really
    interesting insight, or maybe they'll just think you're crazy, but
    telling ourselves that 'no one' understands, I think, just makes our
    feelings of isolation all the worse. Plus, if we're all going around
    with the mantra that no one understands, we're going to self fulfill
    that prophecy by never feeling safe to take the chance and ask if
    someone if they do understand. Does that make sense?

  • http://www.elasticmind.ca/innerpreneur/ Tara Joyce

    Carmen, my pleasure. I am so happy to hear that you relate. Thank you
    for reading.