I used to be afraid of people stealing my ideas. I saw my ideas, the thoughts in my head, as something physical that someone could take from me.
I was terrified to share them. I was certain that if they weren’t stolen, then they would surely be scorned.
Clearly, it seemed, my ideas were not safe in the external world.
Everything is essentially an idea
Without knowing it, I’ve been sharing my ideas all along. In giving of my wealth, in doing what brings me joy, I had been extending my ideas.
Sharing my thoughts hasn’t diminished or killed them as I thought it would. Rather, it has allowed me to meet people who believed in my ideas, and the stronger they have grown.
What’s the difference?
How is it not personal? You spend most of your energy and time doing it but yet it’s not suppose to be infused with who you are as a person?
Why can’t you get personal with your work?
On tap and on demand.
I used to be “on call”. Any time you “suddenly” needed me, I was there.
I used to think I was making things better for you by “fixing” them.
I used to use you to make myself feel useful.
It feels great to be needed?
I like being seen as a “great” and “caring” person. I do not like how tapped out I feel as a result.
I do not like how I couldn’t claim the time or energy I needed as safely my own.
Each time I put my life and my plans on hold to accommodate you, I was quieting my voice. Each time I ran to rescue you, I was abusing my creative energy by allowing you to dine freely on my time, talent and energy.
And it made me angry – at you – but mostly at myself.
From the moment we are born we are shaped by the expectation of others.
Their assumptions weigh us down. They sit like a backpack, heavy on our shoulder. Sometimes invisible to us.
These ideas about us are not ours, but we can hold onto them as though they are.
Our Energy Mustn’t Be Squandered
We need to be conscious of what people ask of us, and what they reward us for being.
Looking at your résumé, aside from it’s purpose to ‘get you a job’, would you say that it really shows who you are?
Looking at mine (on LinkedIn), I am struck by how I appear in it. It says nothing about how I actually spent, nor spend, my days. It says little about ME, other than where I went to school (can’t you see how smart I am?), where I’ve worked (yes, THEY hired me!) and what titles I was given (don’t I sound impressive?). It’s a very inaccurate picture of how I add value to the world.
When I wrote it, I was hoping to do a good job of selling you on what I appear to be.
In my last article I announced that Christine Dionese and I have entered into a peer-to-peer mentorship and, starting this month, will begin mentoring each other through a monthly Q&A column on her blog and mine.
Before we “get columing”, we are sharing our current perspectives on mentorship as we enter into our partnership (to simplify ourselves — I’m a skeptic, she’s a believer). Here’s mine! You can read Christine’s here.
Mentors are:
not a topic, or role, that feel very familiar with. For a long time I felt that the best thing was to do everything myself and to rely on no one. But I’m growing to see the value of mentors now, as I grow to see the value of external support, accept my need for it, and I allow myself to mourn the support I didn’t get.
Sometimes I really suck at communicating… yet I’m also a great communicator. It’s what I do naturally. But sometimes, I’m down right terrible with it.
My coach Teya Sparks reminds me that I need to be willing to be both extremes. That as a human being, it is only natural.
As a perfectionist, it seems insane. How can I make a career around communication and also be a bad communicator? I must be the best communicator ever. always. period.
But I am not. Sometimes I suck.
Not a Great Communication Moment
Like last week, when I wrote about discovering my designer,
