by Tara Joyce | Mar 4, 2014 | Cultural Creativity
It is a way of being that prevents connection.
It is presenting a false story about myself and my life in order to control others perception of me.
It’s a form of marketing or more specifically advertising, and it’s neither mindful nor empowering.
While in my pretense, I’m not valuing my contributions fully nor am I fully valuing the contributions others.
I am not being honest about who I am. I am determining certain elements of me are better and more desirable.
How does it feel to hide parts of myself?
My pretense is like my own beer commercial where I see blondes in bikinis drinking delicious beer, having fun and playing volleyball with awesome dudes.
Everything looks perfect, I’m trying hard to show you that it’s perfect, and I’m displaying my finest acting and contortionism so you don’t see the sand in my bum and the dimples in my thighs.
Does the need for pretense grow with the acquisition of power?
Probably not. But the acquisition of power does make it easier to hide and pretend.
But why do I hide and pretend? Is it about my relationship with power?
What am I communicating when I do pretend?
I am expressing that I need to try and control perceptions of me. Yours and mine. It’s about my power.
I need to appear more or less perfect than I already am.
Why am I not enough?
photo credit: SalFalko
by Tara Joyce | Sep 10, 2013 | Cultural Creativity
A reflection of our disdain for authority in our own life.
The things our critic says are likely things we heard from an authority figure.
Things we did not agree with — but heard anyway.
Things that once were someone else’s ideas about us, that have now become our own.
It’s not the truth.
It hurts us anyway.
We hurt when we allow those ideas to have power over us again. Whether they come to us from an external source or from inside.
Our pain is our disdain for the un-truths we believe.
Our pain can be a tool.
If we observe it, it can support us in letting go of what we are holding onto inside.
It can show us where we can create more freedom. From authority. And from our own critical self.
When we drop the disdain, the judgement of authority, we can too drop the pain.
If we let go.
Of thinking we aren’t good enough. Of the stories we tell our self.
Can we accept that all the people in our life, even the most controlling, have added value?
Are we willing to let go of our pain around the authority that hurts us, and release the power our inner critic has over us?
Can we accept that our greatest pain can be our greatest power?
photo credit: mason bryant
by Tara Joyce | Aug 22, 2013 | Self/Business Growth
There was nothing in the world I feared more then when humans attack.
So much so, that for a long time, I did my best to avoid humans altogether. To avoid them meant I wouldn’t be attacked.
I’d be safe.
But, the attacks still happened, despite my attempt to control and prevent them. No matter what I did, I couldn’t control how you behaved.
So I drove myself deeper into hiding. Thinking deep down there I would be safe.
I couldn’t help but feel that I was somehow responsible. I couldn’t help but attach to what kept happening. I couldn’t help but be hurt by them.
A loud motorcycle going by.
An attacking human, whether directing their stuff at me or not, is like a loud motorcycle going by.
They jar me, and perhaps even scare me with their presence and noise, but beyond the distraction they create, they do not need to affect me any further.
Their noise is not mine. I am not responsible to it.
I do not need to attach to the noise you create, and hold on to it. I do not need to attach to the content of your attack.
Like a motorcycle going by, I can’t control what you do. I may feel the shock of your actions, but I get to control how easily I recover from them.
I have a choice in whether I attach to your noise, and let it hurt me further. Or just let it go.
It’s just noise.
Unless I want it to be more.
A motorcycle, and an attack, may always surprise and shock me, and I may never like the sound, but what happens next, once you do what you wanted to do, is always my choice.
I can throw a dirty look at the driver, or cover my ears in protest, but the noise has already been created. I can’t change that.
But once the noise and the distraction has passed — that is when my work begins.
Do I attach to what happened and let it distract me further, or do I do what I can to let it go?
How much do I want it to affect me? Can I let it be the loud motorcycle going by, that bothers me for a moment and nothing more?
motorcycle analogy credit: Teya Sparks, photo credit: 69Vagamundos
by Tara Joyce | Jun 24, 2013 | Innerpreneurship
What if these two things were created equal?
What if wealth, beauty and status mattered as much as compassion, respect, care and value?
How would that change things?
What if my self-esteem (my view of wealth, beauty and status) was equal to my self-love (my view of compassion, respect, care and value)?
What if I focused on respecting my feelings (compassion), setting my boundaries (respect), ensuring my wellness (care) and cultivating my gifts (value)?
Would I find that my power (beauty, wealth and status) had grown as a result?
My esteem wants to have and do but without knowing where my love lies, am I really getting what I want?
I can make the connection.
Between my external desires and my internal needs. I do not need to pursue one at the expense of the other.
Through loving myself I am creating the esteem I desire.
This article was partially inspired by the concepts found in Madly In Love With Me by Christine Arylo.
photo credit: stars alive
by Tara Joyce | Apr 1, 2013 | Cultural Creativity
In Peter Senge’s book The Fifth Discipline, he writes,
“The gap between vision and current reality is a source of energy. If there were no gap, there would be no need for any action to move towards the vision. We call this gap creative tension.”
It seems to me that when we allow ourselves to be in the gap between our dreams and our reality — to live in our own creative tension — we find our self most ripe with the solutions we need.
In this space we are living our questions, and the tense energy we create from “not knowing” activates our curiosity. This gap in “knowing” frees us to be the beginners we are.
If we can learn to enjoy the tension “not knowing”, and avoid those who “know” without questioning, I believe we can create our greatest possibility to discover our answers and close our gap between what is and what could be.
photo credit: garymacfadyen
