Can competing not help to better me, without needing to create conflict in my inner self and my outer world?
It’s not competition itself that creates conflict in my inner being, but rather the intention behind that competition. Competing because I desire victory, and being a winner at the hands of another being a loser, undoubtedly creates conflict. For I have unconsciously decided that I am not enough, and that I’ll be more if someone else is less. Competition, in this intention, is an act of being better than others, and reducing myself. It’s an ego concept that invariably creates distress.
However, if I see the value in the (competitive) action done for it’s own sake, whether alone (competing with myself) or in the company of others (competing against other competitors), it can bring out the best in everyone. In this instance I am doing my best — and wanting others to do the same. Which is rather empowering and transformational, and conflict-free.
The beauty of competing for my best self is the only person I am “beating” and surpassing is the older me, and I “win” by becoming a better version of me — and helping you to do the same. I don’t know of a more valuable and supportive outcome to create than that, do you?
photo credit: tableatny
We don’t really have a problem with peoples imperfections. We don’t really hate the dark aspects we each contain. It feels like we do, but our feelings can be misleading sometimes.
It’s easy to point out and judge another for the things that aren’t perfect about them. If you decide to take on this job, your list will easily become a mile long. We are not perfect, and you’re always going to be able to find evidence to back this truth up. No matter the person.
What you really have a problem with, when you find yourself angered by another and their imperfections become so glaringly obvious to you, is the lack of responsibility you feel that person has over them. Your pissed because they are not being aware of the dark things about themselves and their behaviour, and how it affects you. You feel they are not being responsible in their doing.
If I was to own my darkness and be up front and responsible for the ways in which I am imperfect and how they affect you, how would that change your anger towards me, and towards the imperfections I hold? In my experience, you no longer mind my imperfections so much, nor judge them so harshly, because I am aware of them and responsible to them. It wasn’t my darkness that was getting you, it was my lack of responsibility towards it.
If I own my stuff, if I am aware and shine a light on my darkness and admit my contributions, you may be left with some anger towards my actions, but in owning my part I’ve created the space for you to own yours and/or move on. In being responsible for my imperfections, I’m not in conflict with you over them. I am free to admit what I did and who I am.
When I own my darkness, does it not make it harder for you to hate and blame me for it?
photo credit: Sergio García Moratilla