Asking My Mentor About… Asking For Help

by Tara Joyce | Aug 31, 2011 | My Journey | What's On My Mind

This is the third installment of Christine and my monthly Peer-to-Peer Mentoring series. Funny enough, this month, we asked each other near identical questions… on her blog, I answered her question: I LOVE doing everything myself. While I joke that I need a clone, I always feel like the job is done best by me. How do you decide when it’s time to ask for help or hire another professional?

My Question to My Mentor:

As an independent business owner, I often find I am tempted to do ‘everything’ myself. How do you go about determining the roles you take on and which you will employ an outside professional for? When you do determine you need outside help, how do you go about finding the right person for the job?

Christine’s Answer:

Success is About Self-Correction Through Self-Actualization

I tend to do everything myself as well, so this is a great question for me to share my progress with you. First of all, everyone needs help. Acknowledging this need allows us to leverage it as an opportunity rather than a problem.

When I’m done seeing patients or coaching clients, settling in to work on my book, blogs or research projects are some of my favorite things to do.

It’s okay to let your work be a huge part of your life if it’s making you feel good and not jeopardizing your personal relationships or health, but when or if it does, believe me, speaking from experience, it’s a balance you want to re-gain and constantly re-align.

Try setting a good mantra that reminds you of the necessity to self-preserve. This will open you up to the idea of allowing others to help you and likely help you see more clearly who the right candidates are. Know your needs and listen to them (you can do this by developing mindfulness). Remember, if you’re running on fumes, everyone suffers. As a health care provider I constantly remind myself of this.

Have Some Fun As a Social Scientist & Meet New Collaborators

Paul Arden, ad guru and author of, It’s Not How Good You Are, It’s How Good You Want To Be suggests that we share our knowledge and ideas with everyone around us. If we covet them, we’ll become stale only with our reserves to rely on. Not a very colorful picture right?! Arden’s practical and cheerful suggestion says to me, “go out, paint the town, have some fun, look at the people around you… Gain new insight from your observations and bring it back to work to help create new projects and ideas for your clients.” Because our work is our passion, it’s interwoven through and through. Quench your need to research by having some fun. I’ve found when I’m fully engaged in my environment, especially in spontaneous situations, these multi-sensory experiences cultivate the greatest replenishment “in the design space” of my working brain.

Get Into a New Element & Look Back At Yourself.

It’s easier to anticipate people’s needs when you genuinely interact and see how people behave (anticipating other’s needs can really help you become aware of your own)! Try working from a cafe twice a week and make a point to introduce yourself to at least one new person. I always make viable business connections when I do! Cafes are community hubs full of other creatives. And what do creatives love doing? Collaborating! Extend a hand to offer an intro… Instead of blindly hiring outside professionals, making connections like this lend potential to offer real human help (to one another). Having been introduced to somebody on a personal, then professional level often engenders a sense of camaraderie or willingness to help-even among people who don’t know one another very well. It’s nice to establish a “wow, we both do something cool that we love, let’s call on one another from time to time for help relationship.”

How do I know these types of connections can help you cure the “do everything syndrome”? I put it to the test recently with you (Tara)! After spending countless hours researching how to align my HTML code to produce a desired color affect, I (humbly) emailed you, asked for you help and you supplied the answer in mere minutes! That assured me that it was okay to ask for help. I saved five whopping hours by asking you for insight.

Get An Intern… Really Do It

One of my trusted friends represents a cutting edge corporation responsible for making people’s lives better. I’ve always admired his ability to genuinely engage in his work for eight hours a day, yet then know when to call it quits and allow himself to shift mentally toward fun and personal development. He’s heard me say time and time again how I wish I could clone myself, but after about a year of prodding and making a case for an intern I finally listened to him and got one!

Lucky for me, I scooped up a super smart, creative, multi-talented intern! One of the best business decisions accomplished yet (love ya Karla).

Tips on finding an intern for a business owner accustomed to doing everything herself:

●      Make your to-do list a Ta-Da! List. Write a list of as many things that you “do” on a regular basis. Write a sentence or two about what purpose they have. In your quest to detach from doing “everything” this will help you valuate what tasks and activities might not be necessary for anyone to be doing! Now go back and ask yourself, “is that a to-do or is that a project? Use specific action points that will set you in motion with guided purpose. Watch how much time you open up by re-framing your list making. This is even before you get the new intern!

●      Multi-minded talent. Find someone a lot like you, but different enough where they’re willing to offer you objective, personal and honest feedback. You’ll need a critical thinker.

●      Diplomacy is essential. Establish a mutual, “it won’t hurt my feelings” clause. When you’re in charge non-stop and somebody else takes the reigns it can be emotionally edgy if this isn’t established. I lucked out, I already knew the wonder-intern I’m working with so this isn’t something that comes up for us.

●      Test their craftiness. Ask your potential intern to complete a task that requires some quirkiness or where a block seems heavy to shift. See what they can come up with. This is key as they may have to act as an extension of you in your absence.

●      What would I do? Ask your intern to solve a problem by pretending they are you!

●      Cost. Interns are interested in gaining real-world, cool experiences that will make them attractive to potential employers. The more you allow them to do, the better their resumes and CVs look. If you can’t afford an intern in dollars and cents or if you’d like to work out a trade, many interns will contribute and work very hard in exchange for the opportunity. I provide letters of reference and introductions to colleagues whenever possible.

Work Space Matters Whether You’re Doing One Thing Or Everything

Work-space is a huge factor and largely influences our decisions whether we realize it at first or not. Feng shui that joint! To be sure it’s conducive, think:

●      flow with focus

●      light, yet consolidated

●      open yet safe…

The right set-up goes a long way for making the most use of your time. Decorate your office space with inspiration, but if you have eclectic taste like me, choose a few grounding elements that remind you to get up and walk around… And, add fun elements like a toy or a game or cool poster. It’ll remind you to get up and DO something for yourself!

Asking My Mentor About… Self-Confidence

by Tara Joyce | Jul 31, 2011 | My Journey | What's On My Mind

July was the second installment of Christine and my monthly Peer-to-Peer Mentoring series. On her blog, I answered her question: Along my career path, I travel wearing many hats. From a writer and designer’s perspective, what tools do you use to portray career evolution to your audience? More specifically, how do you keep your bio updated to portray the ever-evolving you so it represents your business as extension of yourself rather than a mere list of accomplishments?

My Question to My Mentor:

Do you have difficulty feeling confident about the work you do and the value it adds? If so, how does it manifest itself? And do you have any tools you use to boost your confidence when you feel it faltering?

Christine’s Answer:

For starters, I’ve never felt like I fit into the status quo. Not at school as a kid, not at other jobs etc. Now I can look back to see this was an opportunity I’ve been able to grow exponentially from. Not fitting in raises questions early on, “why am I not like the others?” “don’t they like me?” “what should I be doing to fit in?” Turns out when I pushed and pulled to fit myself into the confines of spaces I wasn’t shaped for, it felt uncomfortable. And, when I did at times wedge myself into spaces I didn’t fit, turned out a lot of the other people in there, weren’t so happy either. So, I decided, (sub-consciously perhaps), early on to be a shaper. It was a risk I had to take because the other reality wasn’t working for me.

At the beginning of my career, deciding to pursue integrative medicine was a risk. I knew I’d be judged and questioned. So many people said, “just go get your MD license and then do whatever you want.” But, that wasn‘t the point, it didn‘t feel right so I went ahead to reach for what was most palpable to me. This added value to my work because it helped shape what I do now. If I hadn’t taken that risk, I may not have been able to help teach doctors, to act as an advocate for patients, be so bold with my writing or help build confidence in other businesses to take risks.

I know you’re not asking for a self-esteem boost, you can easily read about how to accomplish that in any self-help book. But, as I’ve mentioned in earlier relationship building discussions, self-actualization and creating reality via our own self-truths is the stuff of confidence. For self-starters, not only does it boost our drive to produce quality work, it consoles us when the critics swoon in to feast on our new ideas or flavors. But, that’s what work is for designers, guides, teachers and taste-makers. It’s research, trial and error that we pursue tenaciously for the sake of helping others.

A lot of what we do involves risk. Amidst the busy info-culture we live where everything is judged at the mere click of a thumbs up, a yelp or the comments section, it’s valuable  to consider developing a more meditative system that allows you to soothe yourself mentally as you move forward. I like to meditate my way to continually building confidence. It’s a practice; like anything else that takes a little time to set in, but the personal and professional rewards of mindfulness are un-ending!

If confidence is faltering:

I like to remind myself that I’m a transformer, not a conformer. This forever engenders more growth and change. They might not know it yet, but your clients will be thankful because change and growth allows you to become flexible in appreciating their needs.

Remind yourself of your intentions. Know that your work, as an extension of you is being produced to help people. The value of your work is evidenced when your clients realize you’ve introduced them to something that until now they may not have thought was possible. You’re a designer. You’re introducing new ideas everyday. People will question your ideas, yet once they employ them, their lives and what they’re able to produce will be improved in some measurable way.

I believe the work I do helps people in an authentic way. This is a good one to keep in mind, very empowering-what I put forth confidently has value. In my consulting work, both in developing businesses and teaching health care providers, the ideas set forth are for the sake of putting a smile on humanity; helping people co-exist in better, happier ways. And, when the work is “getting done” it feels good to actually see it come to fruition in people’s lives. I guess seeing is believing with this one!

Know that despite your best efforts, not everyone will always jive with you, but still, they‘re your best efforts. In my private practice, sometimes patients come to me with wild expectations. They’ll be experiencing a chronic health concern which requires they enact a process of growth and change. Some people simply aren’t ready to hear this and because they’re un-willing to change and self-reflect, suddenly I’m the one who couldn’t or didn’t help them with their concerns. This kind of thing could really damage my confidence, yet knowing I approached the situation with compassion and diplomacy and that my intentions were all for the sake of healing adds value to the overall process.

Be nice to yourself and express gratitude!

Asking My Mentor About… Supportive Female Relationships

by Tara Joyce | Jun 29, 2011 | My Journey | What's On My Mind

Okay, here we go! Today is the first installment of Christine and my Peer-to-Peer Mentoring series. I’m excited to see how we will learn from each other. On her blog, I answered her question: How do you apply the advice and suggestions you offer your clients to your own projects and endeavors?

My Question to My Mentor:

What do you do to cultivate mutually supportive female relationships in your life?

Christine’s Answer:

Historically, I’ve been a “guy’s girl” so answering this great question took a bit of thought! Cultivating supportive female relationships wasn’t always part of my Modus Operandi. Quite frankly, I always felt more at home with my male counterparts. I had more (or so I thought) in common in both my business and personal life. And then, one day out of ( ? ) somewhere I had a feeling that I needed some relationship balancing.

I asked myself, “why haven’t I forged more meaningful female relationships in business and in my personal life?” I had a few, but not a ton. I considered whether it was because of not-yet-recognized self-conscious aspects or what? Turned out after much meditation it was because I felt vulnerable admitting that I wanted to learn from women, but didn’t want to talk about tupperware, babies, marriage or mini-vans… Yep, I know, sounds kind of cliche or perhaps even as if I’m stereotyping women, but those were my reasons. I feared competition or that asking for advice would be perceived as a sign of weakness.

So, I asked myself, “why do I want more meaningful relationships with women and what do I hope to gain and share from these newly forged interactions?” Framing this intention was the most useful tool to help guide me toward this understanding and cultivation. What I found was that women, despite having babies or tupperware parties are cool, wise individuals that can bestow gifts to one another.

Here’s some things to consider and meditate on when putting your intentions into action:

•    Identify if you’re standing in your own way and why? Ask yourself how you can remove the barrier between you and your desired relationship(s). To get an idea of what this would be like, visualize what’s on the other side of the perceived barrier. What does is feel like once the barrier has been removed? Note what comes up for you and use these emotions as opportunities to reflect on your intention.

•    Reach out with a compliment, praise or appreciation to engender a first good impression.  Letting people know you appreciate their hard work not only feels good to them, but will empower you to enact behavior that allows you to connect with others!

•    Think about what you have to share or what you have in common with women. Women love to create. They enjoy endeavors that allow them to design and create unique work and opportunities. With this in mind, and like the opportunity we’re sharing now, knowing this gave me the confidence to make calls and send emails to women I had only researched online.

•    Women care about their local and global communities. If you already have something in common, social consciousness for example, you share something meaningful ethically. Let this meaningfulness act as a tool to reach out directly when forging a new relationship. Aligning through these means is also an awesome way to check back in with your original intentions.

•    Just BE yourself. Be honest, be quirky, be kind, be funny, be serious, be Tara, be you! Trying to impersonate somebody else when you’ve already “got Tara down” would be a waste of a great thing!

So remember, explore why you want to cultivate these relationships in the first place, set the intention, put yourself out there, be yourself and share what works for you with your new connections to keep the experiences authentic.