I Don’t Feel Like Playing Anymore
There are a lot of rules to my game. Too many to follow it seems. There are the rules I've learned from others. And then there are the ones I've wrote myself. It can be easier to see the rules and expectations others have imparting on me, but the ones I impart of myself are the most limiting. Those rules, those self-imposed 'shoulds', are what keep me in victim mode, limited and continuing to play my games, even when I don’t want to, nor acknowledge I am.
The End of My Superficial Relationship
For decades I’ve been in a casual relationship with you. I wasn't ready to commit to you fully. Today, I am not feeling so balanced, and my commitment to you, as usual, wants to falter. And yet I am here. This is what we’ve been working towards. A space where I feel trust and commitment in my relationship with you, my writing. It’s taken a slow build-up to get here, our relationship has been like learning to speak, and learning to love, a language. A little bit of practice each day and eventually I’ve found myself feeling more natural with you.