The Power of Relationships

The Power of Relationships

Every relationship you develop, from the most casual to the most intimate, serves to help you become more conscious.

You are taught to honour others, yet often this is one of the most difficult acts you can perform. For not only does it require you, first and foremost, to honour yourself, it also requires you to come to know yourself. In a larger sense, your relationships are spiritual messengers, they bring into your life revelations about your own strengths and weaknesses.

Some of your relationships may be particularly painful (and necessarily so) as they’re here to help you to learn about yourself and your limitations. You may not be so enthusiastic to explore these “less attractive” aspects of self, yet recognizing your power to make choices and how they affect your world is the power of relationships. Your painful relationships help you to understand that every choice you make contributes to what you create. Choice is the process of creation itself.

Every choice you make is a creative act of spiritual power for which you are held responsible. Managing this power of choice, with all its spiritual and creative implications, is the essence of human experience. Yet you can’t know the full outcome of any choice you make, and so you may find yourself trying to control your life, and the life of others. Disappointment inevitably ensues since, try as you might, the physical world (and the people you are in relationship with) cannot be controlled. Your desires and whims are not for life to serve you on a silver platter.

Which returns you to the place where the greatest power you have is how you choose to behave in your relationships. Your relationships (especially the painful ones) help you to master your inner responses to the external world. They teach that you get to choose your thoughts and emotions.

The power and challenge of your relationships is to learn what motivates you to make the choices you do. In learning about what motivates you, you learn about the essence of your Self. Sex, power, and money are the currencies of relationships and your fear and/or faith is the energy you put behind this currency. This dynamic of choice, of fear and faith, guarantees you cannot run away from yourself or your decisions. For every outcome in some extent reflects this faith and/or fear.

To discover your personal motivations and your “false gods,” how you use and misuse the currencies of the physical world, you need relationships. So much of the way you respond to external challenges is how you respond to yourself. To guide you in developing a healthy and loving relationship with yourself, you have your relationships as a mirror. They are awakening you to your true personal power.

photo credit: Toa Heftiba

Don’t Shoot the Messenger

Don’t Shoot the Messenger


The messenger brings with them a message that is not really their own. It has been given to them, to deliver to you.

If you don’t like their message, if you don’t want to receive what they’re sharing, you may feel angry with them. You might want to shoot the messenger. But consider, is it the message you don’t like, or is it the person delivering it? There is a difference.

If it is the message you disagree with, take a moment before you shoot the messenger. Consider that your disagreement with their message is not necessarily a reflection of them, it is more a reflection of you. In seeing the messenger as the source of the problem, you aren’t seeing the difference between the message you are receiving, and the person delivering it. There is a distinction. The message is what triggers you, and the messenger is simply a deliverer of that trigger.

We are so much more than the messages we (consciously and unconsciously) share with others, and we are so much more than our emotional triggers. In recognizing yourself as both a giver and receiver of these potentially triggering messages, you share in the responsibility of knowing this emotional truth. We are all messengers, we all have value to share, and yet we can not be defined by this role and other people’s reactions to it. Our work is to be responsible for how we deliver our messages, and how we receive the other messengers in our lives. Working to know our triggers, we come to fully embrace our role as messengers, as we learn to distinguish the value of the messages — and the messengers — in our lives.

photo credit: David Seibold