by Tara Joyce | Oct 22, 2013 | Cultural Creativity
The wants of others used to matter to me.
I thought somehow they were mine to fulfill.
At some point I decided that while my wants didn’t matter too much, other people’s were of paramount importance.
I convinced myself I was being caring, or helpful, or altruistic, or some other adjective that bathed me in a golden light, in giving what they wanted.
I allowed other people’s wants, and the fulfillment of them, to become my concern.
And while I pretended to be okay with it, and even to enjoy it in the name of giving, what I really felt was how people were taking from me. And I from them.
I was being used, and I was using. I was using them to feel loved, valuable, helpful, and they were using me to get what they wanted.
Neither of us was considering what we needed, what was best for either of us, or our relationship.
Does it matter what you want when you don’t know what you need?
I, and they, were confusing our wants for our needs. I thought I needed to be helpful, and they thought they needed help, but we both simply just wanted it.
We both exerted our power, our esteem for our self, on each other, in hopes that we could get our wants fulfilled, avoiding the work of understanding what we actually needed.
We lacked the love to know what we truly needed — and how to get it. So we stayed focused on our feelings of entitlement to get what we wanted from the other.
We see what we want. But we can see so much more when we look into the truth of why we want things.
The needs of me.
It has taken me time and space to accept that it has always been up to me, and no one else, to obtain the things I need.
The wants of others, and myself, are nice to know but they don’t need matter. They aren’t helpful or hurtful — until they are attached to.
There is nothing wrong with having wants — it’s in the feeling of needing to fulfill them, or not, that my freedom, or my restriction, is born.
photo credit: ashley rose
by Tara Joyce | Oct 23, 2012 | Cultural Creativity
They are our relationships built on mutual trust and respect.
They are our relationships in which worries subside over being taken advantage of, or of needing to control.
They are our relationships where both parties act with confidence and ease.
They are our relationships in which games are not played, and expectations and needs are communicated clearly.
These are our relationships of integrity. They are our connections where we express and share without reservation.
We have examples of this kind of relationship everywhere we go. You participate in them at the restaurant you love to eat at, or the public transportation you trust to get you from A to B.
Our economy would not function without these relationships. There would be no buying or selling without them. If we look hard enough we can see that our relationships of integrity are the base of our modern economy.
There are so many people all around the world doing the right thing day after day so everyone can benefit. They are you, and they are me. We are the invisible glue that holds our economy, and our world, together.
photo credit: Brandon Doran
by Tara Joyce | Jun 25, 2012 | My Journey | What's On My Mind
For decades I’ve been in a casual relationship with you. I wasn’t ready to commit to you fully.
Today, I am not feeling so balanced, and my commitment to you, as usual, wants to falter. And yet I am here.
This is what we’ve been working towards. A space where I feel trust and commitment in my relationship with you, my writing.
It’s taken a slow build-up to get here, our relationship has been like learning to speak, and learning to love, a language. A little bit of practice each day and eventually I’ve found myself feeling more natural with you.
Today, I find myself where I wanted to go. I can feel the love I have for you again. Of all the things I desire, feeling my love for you was what I wanted most of all.
It makes sense that it showed again when I committed to showing up for you.
You are a relationship I want to nurture and support, to be present to, and I am learning to care for you as I would any partner in my life. You are no longer my superficial love, we are no longer casual. I am committed to grow with you through whatever life brings.
