There was nothing in the world I feared more then when humans attack.
So much so, that for a long time, I did my best to avoid humans altogether. To avoid them meant I wouldn’t be attacked.
I’d be safe.
But, the attacks still happened, despite my attempt to control and prevent them. No matter what I did, I couldn’t control how you behaved.
So I drove myself deeper into hiding. Thinking deep down there I would be safe.
I couldn’t help but feel that I was somehow responsible. I couldn’t help but attach to what kept happening. I couldn’t help but be hurt by them.
A loud motorcycle going by.
An attacking human, whether directing their stuff at me or not, is like a loud motorcycle going by.
They jar me, and perhaps even scare me with their presence and noise, but beyond the distraction they create, they do not need to affect me any further.
Their noise is not mine. I am not responsible to it.
I do not need to attach to the noise you create, and hold on to it. I do not need to attach to the content of your attack.
Like a motorcycle going by, I can’t control what you do. I may feel the shock of your actions, but I get to control how easily I recover from them.
I have a choice in whether I attach to your noise, and let it hurt me further. Or just let it go.
It’s just noise.
Unless I want it to be more.
A motorcycle, and an attack, may always surprise and shock me, and I may never like the sound, but what happens next, once you do what you wanted to do, is always my choice.
I can throw a dirty look at the driver, or cover my ears in protest, but the noise has already been created. I can’t change that.
But once the noise and the distraction has passed — that is when my work begins.
Do I attach to what happened and let it distract me further, or do I do what I can to let it go?
How much do I want it to affect me? Can I let it be the loud motorcycle going by, that bothers me for a moment and nothing more?