The Want of Others

The Want of Others

315.365 i want:

The wants of others used to matter to me.

I thought somehow they were mine to fulfill.

At some point I decided that while my wants didn’t matter too much, other people’s were of paramount importance.

I convinced myself I was being caring, or helpful, or altruistic, or some other adjective that bathed me in a golden light, in giving what they wanted.

I allowed other people’s wants, and the fulfillment of them, to become my concern.

And while I pretended to be okay with it, and even to enjoy it in the name of giving, what I really felt was how people were taking from me. And I from them.

I was being used, and I was using. I was using them to feel loved, valuable, helpful, and they were using me to get what they wanted.

Neither of us was considering what we needed, what was best for either of us, or our relationship.

Does it matter what you want when you don’t know what you need?

I, and they, were confusing our wants for our needs. I thought I needed to be helpful, and they thought they needed help, but we both simply just wanted it.

We both exerted our power, our esteem for our self, on each other, in hopes that we could get our wants fulfilled, avoiding the work of understanding what we actually needed.

We lacked the love to know what we truly needed — and how to get it. So we stayed focused on our feelings of entitlement to get what we wanted from the other.

We see what we want. But we can see so much more when we look into the truth of why we want things.

The needs of me.

It has taken me time and space to accept that it has always been up to me, and no one else, to obtain the things I need.

The wants of others, and myself, are nice to know but they don’t need matter. They aren’t helpful or hurtful — until they are attached to.

There is nothing wrong with having wants — it’s in the feeling of needing to fulfill them, or not, that my freedom, or my restriction, is born.

photo credit: ashley rose

Takers Gonna Take

Takers Gonna Take

It’s really lovely to know that through giving freely, I can inspire someone to be more giving.

Sometimes though, I encounter a person who consciously (or unconsciously) feels free to consistently take more than they give.

I need to watch my balance with them. For as much as I love to give, and to encourage it, I don’t enjoy feeling used.

With this kind of person, I need to check in with my giving self, and be honest about who they are and what they want from me.

Meet the Taker.

The Taker feels entitled to get more than they give. They feel owed — not just by me — but by the world.

And they are driven to do whatever they can to get what they feel they deserve.

For them, it’s not about an exchange, a give and take of equals, it’s about getting what they need.

They are a taker, and they’re gonna take.

All the giving in the world can not fill their lack.

I could blame the Taker.

But I stay away from them instead.

They’re so caught up in their own stuff, their own feelings of lack, that they can’t possibly see my value, let alone their own.

What they value is their needs fulfilled. What they see are things that could fill them.

To attempt to create an exchange with them will only leave me feeling their lack.

My love of giving can never change their love of taking.

Until they change it themself.