Feeling Small Makes Me Feel So Good
I can’t believe how easy it was to shift my life in Toronto into low gear for the last 3 weeks. Sure, it was “stressful” before I left, but only because I made it so.
Being away and unconnected for such a nice chunk of time showed me how overinflated my sense of purpose had grown and how I was lacking perspective. Publishing, responding to emails, helping clients, spending time with family and friends, all of it doesn’t have to happen now. Though I had fooled myself into thinking it did. The world isn’t waiting for, or depending on, me. I’m not saving lives. I’m not that important. Time keeps on moving, whether I am racing to keep up or not, and this truth feels so good because it makes me feel so small.
“Hay más tiempo que vida” (There’s more time than life) – Nicaraguan saying
What is the big rush? Why do I hurry so? Why have I bought into my culture’s belief that there is never enough time? Does it make me feel more important and inflate my sense of purpose to believe that I MUST GET STUFF DONE TODAY? Why do I buy into the story that life and business are a race to a finish line, unseen?
It’s bullshit, and the sane part of me knows it. I’m not racing anyone or anything, I’m just trying to keep up with the silly rules I’ve created for myself out of fear. Somewhere down the line, I agreed to believe that the words slow and doing nothing were dirty, especially when it came to my business. I had agreed to believe that it was my necessity to make something of myself, to do more, to be known, that my life required others attention in order to be meaningful.
I was forgetting that all I’ve ever wanted are two things — to be happy and to make a difference — and I already have them. Seeking and striving for more makes me unhappy as it over-inflates my sense of purpose. My life, as it is right now, is my dream. And I don’t need to be afraid of it slipping away if I don’t move fast enough.
Slow and steady is beautiful and effective. Leaving the fast life and calmly observing the natural progression of time made this clear. Everything I do, it needs to be for me — and not to satisfy the fears I hold of not being good enough and fast enough. I’m tapping into, drawing up to the surface, and abundantly expressing my uncrazy side. And my life and my business are going to be a hell of a lot more fun because of it.