Discovering a Sense of Boundaries
Artificial acceptance of people and circumstances we resent
Why do we pretend? Why do we stay in situations that hurt us?
It’s not that we’re being nice. It’s not that we care.
We tell ourselves we’re needed and necessary. We inflate our importance.
We feed our ego.
Because we ‘care’
Because I ‘cared’ I used to happily let myself be a food source for others. I saw it as the thing I was good at. My fulfillment came from letting others dine freely on my time, talent and energy. They fed on my energy and my ego fed on their attention.
Except, I wasn’t being accountable to myself. I was abusing my energy, and letting others do the same. I was wasting it being ‘on call’ to others, instead of investing it in my art or my Self.
I put little value on my energy and, as a result, others did as well. I felt tired, used and angry.
It’s not your weight to carry
People don’t mean us harm, but they do harm us when they ask for more than we are willing to give.
Being willing to shoulder the responsibility of other people’s downfalls doesn’t make us a caring person. It makes us a tired and depleted person.
Meeting the expectations of others, we misplace our own values, and inevitably, it weighs heavily on us.
A return on investment
I’m discovering that I need to see my energy not as something I should be giving to others, but as a commodity that I must expect a fair return on. It’s my only way to a sustainable life and career.
As with investing, I have a right to expect and receive a fair return on my investments in energy – both personally and professionally. It’s a give and take, an exchange. Loving a person is not enough to make an investment. Determining it’s a self-loving relationship is.
Continuing to invest in draining relationships is just bad business. It robs me of the power to effectively invest elsewhere, or in myself.
Discovering a sustainable life
I need to be clear about what my priorities are. I teach others my boundaries, what they can expect from me, by acting on them myself. If I’m not clear on ME, no one else will be.
I want a sustainable life and career so I’m finding the courage to evict what does not serve the goal of excellence. I’m thinking about me first and creating boundaries for the people, circumstances and behaviors that do not serve me.
photo by: Thesilein