by Tara Joyce | Jul 18, 2012 | Cultural Creativity
I can find it pretty easy to question my feelings, especially when they’re contrary to the people around me.
I might decide I’m being illogical, or overly emotional, or perhaps unreasonable. Whatever I choose, I’ll determine the uncomfortable feeling is something I can and should disregard.
I do this despite knowing that I have, like you, sharply honed instincts – deeply imbedded likes, dislikes, talents, and struggles – that are as much a part of me as my limbs. They make me the unique being I am. My instincts reflect the essential me – my values, my feelings, my fears, my experiences, my goals – and they’re the product of everything that goes into making me.
When I’m ignoring them, and going in the direction of an outside authority, it’s like I’m choosing to not trust my own eyes.
I’ll be remembering this analogy next time I feel scared acting towards my instincts. It’ll help me stay honest about how completely critical my feelings are in shaping this Brand of Me. My happiness shows my gut is my best adviser.
by Tara Joyce | Jun 26, 2012 | Cultural Creativity, Self/Business Growth
There are a lot of rules to my game. Too many to follow it seems. There are the rules I’ve learned from others. And then there are the ones I’ve wrote myself.
It can be easier to see the rules and expectations others have imparting on me, but the ones I impart of myself are the most limiting.
Those rules, those self-imposed ‘shoulds’, are what keep me in victim mode, limited and continuing to play my games, even when I don’t want to, nor acknowledge I am.
I’ve been noticing it in myself, my game playing. I usually start playing when I approach a relationship issue with the notion there are only two solutions or outcomes. I have to do this OR I need to that.
I make rules for how the problem can be solved. I make rules for something that, in reality, has no rules. I am creating constraints so that I can feel more safe and secure, more in control of something I can not be the master of. No matter what I choose to do, I can not control what You do.
Perhaps before I felt like I was playing my game well, or maybe I didn’t know I was playing at all… I’d learned my set of rules so long ago that they seem so natural and true. It didn’t feel like I had a choice in playing, or how I played. But I do and always have.
When I feel frustrated, I have the power to explore the rules I’m creating that are leaving me feeling limited, and I have the ability to commit to using my energy to find other choices. I have the choice to check in with myself and truly make sure I want to start play the game I am unwittingly starting.
photo credit: StudioTempura
by Tara Joyce | Jun 25, 2012 | My Journey | What's On My Mind
For decades I’ve been in a casual relationship with you. I wasn’t ready to commit to you fully.
Today, I am not feeling so balanced, and my commitment to you, as usual, wants to falter. And yet I am here.
This is what we’ve been working towards. A space where I feel trust and commitment in my relationship with you, my writing.
It’s taken a slow build-up to get here, our relationship has been like learning to speak, and learning to love, a language. A little bit of practice each day and eventually I’ve found myself feeling more natural with you.
Today, I find myself where I wanted to go. I can feel the love I have for you again. Of all the things I desire, feeling my love for you was what I wanted most of all.
It makes sense that it showed again when I committed to showing up for you.
You are a relationship I want to nurture and support, to be present to, and I am learning to care for you as I would any partner in my life. You are no longer my superficial love, we are no longer casual. I am committed to grow with you through whatever life brings.
by Tara Joyce | May 22, 2012 | Cultural Creativity
The subject’s been coming up a lot for me lately.
It seems I am being schooled in the Art of Alchemy. I’m being taught about my ability to transmute that which is undesirable into something worthy.
I am learning to understand the power of what I don’t want.
I don’t want it… and that’s okay
Sometimes I can be too open to the possibilities… Sometimes I can be a bit too eager to accept what’s being given to me.
The Truth is some things aren’t good for me to open to. Some things being offered aren’t meant to expand me. Some things aren’t given to me with the best of intentions.
If I know I don’t want it, I’ll know not to accept it
I can not afford to be open to everything. Accepting into my life what I don’t want causes me to contract, grow small and get quiet. That is not what I want for my Self.
It’s important I learn what I don’t want to take in, so when it is offered to me, I can choose not to receive it. I can better make choices that leave me open to expansion, and secure from contracting forces, when I know my own boundaries.
In keeping out what doesn’t work, I can claim that space as a place to discover what does work for me.
photo credit: RuffLife
by Tara Joyce | Apr 30, 2012 | Innerpreneurship
THIS IS SERIOUS, my ego screams.
She wants my work to be great. For her, it isn’t enough to create, it’s only worth while if I create something great. For her, it isn’t about quantity, only quality.
She is not content with letting me practice and discover my process. She wants serious results, and she wants them now.
She, my ego, has begun her screaming, and quickly my previously delightful project becomes a source of anxiety. Doubt has set up shop and I find I’m no longer working for the sake of it. I’m no longer happy just being on the field, suddenly I need to run the fastest and the best.
I’m comparing myself to imaginary others and instead of creating, I have now shifted into competing.
Getting bad at being serious
When my ego gets mouthy I am learning to stop giving her my energy. I’m learning that playing with her, whether in tearing myself down, or pumping myself up, is not to my benefit. The solution for me isn’t found in trying to outsmart my ego. My solution is found in stepping out of my ego’s game completely and accepting that I just might suck.
In being open to doing things badly, I am ground myself and slowly find my humility and joy once again.
photo credit: Paul B.
