Self/Business Growth Articles

On tap and on demand.

I used to be “on call”. Any time you “suddenly” needed me, I was there.

I used to think I was making things better for you by “fixing” them.

I used to use you to make myself feel useful.

It feels great to be needed?

I like being seen as a “great” and “caring” person. I do not like how tapped out I feel as a result.

I do not like how I couldn’t claim the time or energy I needed as safely my own.

Each time I put my life and my plans on hold to accommodate you, I was quieting my voice. Each time I ran to rescue you, I was abusing my creative energy by allowing you to dine freely on my time, talent and energy.

And it made me angry – at you – but mostly at myself.

From the moment we are born we are shaped by the expectation of others.

Their assumptions weigh us down. They sit like a backpack, heavy on our shoulder. Sometimes invisible to us.

These ideas about us are not ours, but we can hold onto them as though they are.

Our Energy Mustn’t Be Squandered

We need to be conscious of what people ask of us, and what they reward us for being.

Looking at your résumé, aside from it’s purpose to ‘get you a job’, would you say that it really shows who you are?

Looking at mine (on LinkedIn), I am struck by how I appear in it. It says nothing about how I actually spent, nor spend, my days. It says little about ME, other than where I went to school (can’t you see how smart I am?), where I’ve worked (yes, THEY hired me!) and what titles I was given (don’t I sound impressive?). It’s a very inaccurate picture of how I add value to the world.

When I wrote it, I was hoping to do a good job of selling you on what I appear to be.

In my last article I announced that Christine Dionese and I have entered into a peer-to-peer mentorship and, starting this month, will begin mentoring each other through a monthly Q&A column on her blog and mine.

Before we “get columing”, we are sharing our current perspectives on mentorship as we enter into our partnership (to simplify ourselves — I’m a skeptic, she’s a believer). Here’s mine! You can read Christine’s here.

Mentors are:

not a topic, or role, that feel very familiar with. For a long time I felt that the best thing was to do everything myself and to rely on no one. But I’m growing to see the value of mentors now, as I grow to see the value of external support, accept my need for it, and I allow myself to mourn the support I didn’t get.

Sometimes I really suck at communicating… yet I’m also a great communicator. It’s what I do naturally. But sometimes, I’m down right terrible with it.

My coach Teya Sparks reminds me that I need to be willing to be both extremes. That as a human being, it is only natural.

As a perfectionist, it seems insane. How can I make a career around communication and also be a bad communicator? I must be the best communicator ever. always. period.

But I am not. Sometimes I suck.

Not a Great Communication Moment

Like last week, when I wrote about discovering my designer,

Donald Trump in Trump:101 asked, “why compete with others when you can beat yourself?”

Perfection.

What we wish we were. What we think we should be.

It used to be about what They think, but it’s not anymore. It’s about Us.

It’s about not being good enough for our Self. We don’t fit with our own image of perfection.

We can not forgive ourselves for not being what we believe we should be.

[tweetmeme] Our past, the present, and our unwritten future, and what we think of them, they tend to haunt us now and again.

If your ghosts happen to visit this holiday season (or any time), why not invite them in and explore with them. They have much to teach us when we are open to acknowledging them and adapting to their presence.

Learning From the Past: The Ghost of Who You Were

Whether you’re a fan of change or not, you aren’t the same person as you were. You’ve changed. You’ve grown.

Your visions of the past can be one of your chief assets. They can tell you about Who You Are now, what you want, what you don’t want, what you like and what you don’t.

Who You Were can show you that the good stuff and the bad stuff have helped to shaped you equally.

How you remember Who You Were is yours to choose. It can be your chain, it can be your springboard, it can be whatever you desire.

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The Talk

It’s not always useful.

Be careful. Protect yourself. And your work.

You know what’s best. ‘Should’ is not a reason to do anything.

Advice isn’t always helpful. Premature questions and assumptions are not your friends.

Be Discerning

Sharing something special with someone who is not discerning, or when you aren’t yet ready, is a risky move.

Talk takes energy. And if we aren’t careful, talk dilutes our feelings, and our passions.