Sometimes it feels like I can’t just say it, even though I need to.
It feels wrong.
It feels like it’s not an option.
Despite what I feel, the problem isn’t that I want to say No, it’s me deciding it’s wrong to say No.
When I feel it is wrong to say, my communication ends up reflecting this.
I become unclear, and/or rejecting, and our connection suffers as a result.
But, when I stay in a place where I feel there is no problem in saying No, my communication feels all the more open — to me and the person I am connecting with.
By acknowledging and working with my resistance to saying No, I am able to practice staying light and responding clearly with why no is my answer, without remorse.
I can feel that I am respecting the person I’m communicating with, AND respecting myself as the same time.
I am respecting myself enough to say No when I mean it, and I am respecting you enough not to say Yes when I don’t.
I am me, I trust me and I know what’s best for me. This is what I am acting on and this is what I can feel good communicating.
What if wealth, beauty and status mattered as much as compassion, respect, care and value?
How would that change things?
What if my self-esteem (my view of wealth, beauty and status) was equal to my self-love (my view of compassion, respect, care and value)?
What if I focused on respecting my feelings (compassion), setting my boundaries (respect), ensuring my wellness (care) and cultivating my gifts (value)?
Would I find that my power (beauty, wealth and status) had grown as a result?
My esteem wants to have and do but without knowing where my love lies, am I really getting what I want?
I can make the connection.
Between my external desires and my internal needs. I do not need to pursue one at the expense of the other.
Through loving myself I am creating the esteem I desire.
This article was partially inspired by the concepts found in Madly In Love With Me by Christine Arylo.
A wise woman asked me recently after I received a hate-full comment on my blog if I would stand in front of an arena of people and sincerely ask for them to tell me what they think of my outfit, or better yet, my self.
My answer was no. Absolutely not. I would not do that. The opinions of total strangers are not something I want or value.
Next, she asked me if I would stand in front of a group of people I respected and ask them what they think.
My answer was yes. Absolutely I would. The feedback of people I respect, and that respect me, is something I value very much.
No place for commentary in my world.
Feedback, to me, is thoughtful communication intended to support my growth and improvement. It helps me close the circle. It’s love-full.
An opinion, commentary, requires none of this.
Feedback, I am learning is something to love and receive. Commentary, I am learning is something to leave.
Too exposed.
I write to understand how I feel, think and act, and to challenge myself to express it in words.
I write for me. I do it because I need to.
Any other opinion of my expressions does not matter. It does not benefit me to attach to them. Only I can determine if my choices are serving me.
Leaving commentary behind.
I have permanently removed the option to leave comments on my articles. It’s a brave decision to create, and to share it publicly, and I must honour the sensitivity of my brave heart.
I have never been comfortable with receiving comments on my expressions, and that’s okay.
I realize in my desire to connect and to be accessible, I was inadvertently allowing something that wasn’t filling my need to create and share in a safe, supportive space.
Befriending feedback.
You, dear reader, who respects and loves who I am and/or what I do, I love you and your feedback is invaluable. I always want to connect and hear from you.
To support this feedback friendship we’re building, I’ve created the Word Explorers. By granting me email access to you, I will send you early drafts of my latest work, and in return, if you feel so inclined, you can share your feedback with me.
I’ve also created this Question & Answer space to keep our dialogue open too. Here you can ask me a question and/or make a suggestion, and see my answers to past questions.
I love you.
Thank you for reading and for your love-full support. You help me to be my best me.
Explore PWIW and your intentions around creating wealth
I’ve created a new tool that I am excited to share with you. Welcome to the world, Is Pay What It’s Worth Pricing For Me?: an exploratory checklist! I felt motivated to create this checklist to support you in answering the question, is Pay What It’s Worth (PWIW) pricing right for me and my business?
I understand that it’s a scary concept — to allow your customers to determine how they value your work. It feels like a really BIG risk.
In honour of this feeling, this checklist is intended to help you identify if you possess the intentions and motivations of a business owner who could prosper from using PWIW.
You can learn more and purchase the checklist here.
I’m curious about selling products online using PWIW and how it can work best. So, about six months ago I turned some communication tools I’d created over the years into products and began selling them in my store using PWIW.
Using PWIW for an Online Store
For my experiment, I wanted to figure out a strong way of selling a product online using PWIW. My first task (I felt) was to find software to help me with the buying and selling of my products. I needed a shopping cart tool to enable the sales transaction and to provide the product to buyers after sale. After doing research I decided upon using e-junkie. I have been happy with this decision.
The second decision I needed to make was how I was going to employ the e-junkie shopping cart with PWIW pricing. As with most online shopping carts, while it allows the customer to set the price of the item (often called a donation), it also requires the seller to set a suggested price.
Suggested Prices Signify Something
One of those things they can signify is what I think the thing I’m selling is worth. And for this experiment, that’s not what I wanted to do. I wanted you alone to decide what the product is worth to you.
But this was not, and is not, an option currently with online shopping carts — to set NO suggested price — so I needed to set the suggested price at something. The value I decided to use (for every product’s suggested price) was what I felt was a ridiculously low value ($0.07). My hope was this suggested price signified, please think about what you value this at because this price is clearly not a fair one.
It was my hypothesis that $0.07 was such an insignificant value to give/pay that it would be altered by each buyer. Most of us would not feel good giving $0.07 to a person in need, nor as a tip for service. And what can we puchase for that amount, outside of loose candy?
Despite this truth about the value of $0.07, my experiment yielded a handful of people that gave this amount to a faceless shopping cart in return for a communication tool created by me in support of them.
(It should be noted that no profit is made from online sales roughly less than $0.50 due to PayPal’s costs to process the transaction.)
A Curious Result
This is not to say there hasn’t been customers that have given fairly, despite the $0.07 suggested price. The fair are the majority in my PWIW experiment. But I found it curious, this minority that used the $0.07 suggested price as their price. They, I feel, are something to consider further.
I theorized there was something in my communication, namely the suggested price, that was contributing to this outcome. I wondered if by setting the suggested price very low, I was unconsciously sending a message about how I valued my work. What does it say about me and how I value my products when I set the suggested price low?
My Question
If these people exist, those that do not consciously consider how they value a product, and you want to sell something online using PWIW, how can you improve the exchange so that they behave more fairly?
My Theory
I’m theorizing that when the suggested price is set extremely low and there is no human connection, the communication it sends allows others to more easily react from a scarcity mindset and not value the product fairly, nor pay fairly.
Trying Something Different
Rather than setting the suggested price ridiculously low ($0.07) for each of the products in my store, I’ve set it ridiculously high ($777).
I am still hoping the suggested price will signify, please think about what you value this at because this price is clearly not a fair one. I am interested in how this higher suggested price affects the behaviour of those customers who are buying unconsciously.
In six months time, I’ll let you know what my experiment yields.
